Isolation in the Auto Repair Station

Photo credits: C. L. Paur

 Technology. It is the new best friend for so many people. It doesn't disappoint you like real people, except when your hard drive crashes, you don't get phone reception, or the earphones wear out.

It's the holiday season and time for the Paurs to have another car repair. Fortunately it was just a tire, so I sat in the dank, smoky waiting room and tried to stare at the television with the volume set so low, I needed captions. Next to me was a woman with deep lines etched into her face with her over-processed hair pulled back into a ponytail. Her bangs poofed-out and were unevenly cut. A smoker, I thought to myself. She smiled. I smiled. 
     Then I opened up with, "Last year we had a nearly $2,000 car repair." 
     "Oh my," she said. For the next 20 minutes we discussed cars, lemon-cars, chiropractors, writing, and books. During this visit, another customer came in, headphones tightly pressed against her ears as if protecting them from any outside influences. 
     When the technician called me over, the ponytail woman and I exchanged holiday greetings. I paid my bill, wished the mechanic a Merry Christmas, and turned to earphone woman to wish her a Merry Christmas, or even just to smile at her. Her body might have been in the shop, but her mind was somewhere else.
     Technology. It is the new best friend for so many people. It doesn't disappoint you like real people, except when your hard drive crashes, you don't get phone reception, or the earphones wear out.
     I don't begrudge technology - I'm using it now, and I use it frequently. The days of typing on a typewriter with mistakes smeared over with Whiteout are thankfully long gone. My husband and daughters are able to reach me in an emergency, social media greases my sticky writing career, and I enjoy watching my favorite sketch comedy show  Studio C on YouTube. But it can never replace human experiences and interactions. 
     Families have told me they make sure their children have some type of handheld computer game or phone so they aren't naughty during long vacation drives. That makes a lot of sense. My daughters read books on trips. My only concern is are the kids able to break away from their technology (or books) to watch deer in a cornfield, gaze at a mountain peak, or watch a camper blaze in fire on the highway (that happened to us--fortunately, it was empty). Are they able to break away to talk with each other or play stupid car games? Does not using technology make you a better traveler? I don't know, but our personal memories are made with our own experiences with the people around us, not watching continuous Netflix, playing games, or texting someone a thousand miles away.
     Shopping and restaurants are other public domains where people talk or stare at their cellphones, blocking out all outside distractions. I've watched as customers yakked on phones while the sales associates rang up the sales, waiting for the customers to sign the credit card receipt. Romantic dinners are punctured with couples who should be entranced with each other more romantically involved with their devices than the warm body next to them. 
     Technology has climbed the social ladder to reign supreme at dinner parties or lunch dates. The phone rests innocently enough on the table waiting, just waiting to interrupt the flow of conversation. Who are we? Brain surgeons waiting for a call for emergency surgery?
     Are we experiencing our own lives or are we vicariously living it through technology?
     This is a much discussed topic, probably over-discussed, but I can't help thinking we are losing so much of our own lives and identities as we hand them over to stare at a tiny, metal/plastic screen for hours and hours, or wrap ourselves in earphones. In the old days the experts talked about too much television viewing being dangerous for our children, but what about staring at the myriad of social media, listening all day with earbuds planted into our ear canals, or texting all day long? 
     I can't tell anyone how to live his or her life, but I wonder what stories we will have to share with nieces, nephews, or the children of the next generations if we're so wrapped up in our devices. Will we tell them about the re-runs of Lost or the X-Files? What about our relationships? Will the thousands of friends on Facebook rush you to the hospital? Sure, they can pray for you - and that is awesome, but they can't grasp your hand or rub your shoulder, or even offer their own shoulders for you to cry on.
     I am as guilty as the next person. I feel safe with the phone in my hand. If I'm in a waiting room I can read my emails without engaging in eye contact with strangers. What's the difference if I read my phone, bring a book, or read an outdated magazine? Nothing.
     Therefore, technology is not really the problem. Fear is. We're afraid the stranger on the train might either be strange or unfriendly. Silence often terrifies us. Working on relationships sometimes challenges us to creatively figure out ways to mend the broken ties. Fending people off, however, is much like battening down the hatches for a storm that might never happen. Sure, it's safe, but the payback is isolation.
      Let's get back on earth and interact with the people around us - at the gas stations, grocery stores, restaurants, subways, and the many other public areas. Spend a little time thinking on your own. Let's get off our phones and talk with our own family members. The idea is to study our surroundings - look at the faces, some worn with exhaustion, others covered in worry. It can be a tiny act of empathy and open the door for compassion for others - even your own family members. It can also draw us out of our own worries if we help shoulder the burden for someone else with something as simple as a smile. 
     Have a blessed, technology-limited Christmas. I am re-gifting one of my favorite verses often attributed to Mother Teresa, but Dr. Kent M. Keith authored it. And, please vote for my novel, Waves. There are only 18 days left to vote. Thank you! 

The Paradoxical Commandments

by Dr. Kent M. Keith

People are illogical, unreasonable, and self-centered.

Love them anyway.

If you do good, people will accuse you of selfish ulterior motives.

Do good anyway.

If you are successful, you win false friends and true enemies.

Succeed anyway.

The good you do today will be forgotten tomorrow.

Do good anyway.

Honesty and frankness make you vulnerable.

Be honest and frank anyway.

The biggest men and women with the biggest ideas can be shot down by the smallest men and women with the smallest minds.

Think big anyway.

People favor underdogs but follow only top dogs.

Fight for a few underdogs anyway.

What you spend years building may be destroyed overnight.

Build anyway.

People really need help but may attack you if you do help them.

Help people anyway.

Give the world the best you have and you'll get kicked in the teeth.

Give the world the best you have anyway.

Remember, you can't do any of these things when you're absorbed in your pretend world. Merry Christmas!