Stomatitis - Inflammation of the Mouth
The protagonist, Catharine Zimmer, suffered all sorts of ailments during her life on earth. One of her most fiercest diseases was Stomatitis -- Inflammation of the Mouth.
It's so easy to catch! The terrible thing about this malady is it doesn't affect the sufferer, but creates suffering for those at the end of the tongue.
An entire industry is built up on this disorder, and reports estimate it generates $3 billion annually.
Whoopee! This is an economy builder!
If anyone thinks he is religious and does not bridle his tongue but deceives his heart, his religion is vain (James 1:26 NABRE).
Mom would say this about gossipers, "If they're talking about people when you're in the room, they'll talk about you when you leave."
Why is gossip so easy to slip into? I believe sometimes it's a dysfunctional way of handling difficult people. Some people irritate or frighten us so we're afraid to tell them the way we feel or work out for ourselves why they bother us. We're not, however, afraid to tell others how we feel.Her other sage advice that she probably gleaned from her parents is, "If you can't say anything nice about a person, don't say anything at all."
I have seen people leave my own parish because of the damage wrought by the tongue. There are many instances, but one incident in particular sticks out. There was a couple selling gift cards after mass. We call it Scrip. Our parish receives a portion of the proceeds of the sales. I was standing in the vestibule waiting for my family, when a female parishioner pointed to the couple at the Scrip table. She alluded that the couple were thieves. I kept that information to myself since I was not in a position to do anything about it at the time. The couple soon left the parish. I found it interesting that the woman who confided in me also left our church due to gossip about her own family.
How many people left the parish because of my words? Unfortunately my tongue has wagged more than a happy puppy's tail, and visits to the confessional often meant revealing the nasty habit to the priest. I am ashamed to admit I still struggle with this problem. Like an alcoholic avoiding the liquor store, I have to avoid certain people who fan the flames of my fiery tongue.
Why is gossip so easy to slip into? I believe sometimes it's a dysfunctional way of handling difficult people. Some people irritate or frighten us so we're afraid to tell them the way we feel or work out for ourselves why they bother us. We're not, however, afraid to tell others how we feel. An encounter with someone that we don't care for makes us reach for gossip. We might get on the phone or bump into someone after church! Like junk food, it generally leaves us with a sick feeling in our stomachs.
This isn't to say you need to hide all your feelings and frustrations about a person. It's important to work out some of these issues. There are constructive ways, however, that will help you while not damaging the other.Gossip also diverts attention away from our own inadequacies or insecurities. Isn't it so much better to point out others' flaws than to try to improve ourselves? Criticizing someone's outfit, face lift, cooking, writing, etc. etc, says more about your lack of character than the person you're harping on about.
Brene Brown, author of Braving The Wilderness, also asserts that people try to build relationships from gossiping about others.
"Is there a faster, easier way to make friends with a stranger than to talk smack about someone you both know"(pg. 135, Braving The Wilderness, Brene Brown)?
She began a "no-gossip practice."
"Damn, that was lonely at first. But it was also painfully educational. It was only a matter of weeks before I realized that several of my connections, what I thought of as real friendships, were founded entirely on talking about other people" (pg. 135-136, Braving The Wilderness, Brene Brown).
This isn't to say you need to hide all your feelings and frustrations about a person. It's important to work out some of these issues. There are constructive ways, however, that will help you while not damaging the other.
Trying to be a faithful woman, I try to pray for my enemies.I usually say, "God, I don't know what her problem is, but you do. Help me to see him/her as you see them." For some people in my life, I've had to pray this prayer frequently!
From there, you may find another person who is away from the situation who does not know the antagonist, to discuss the matter. Notice, I said discuss, not smear your enemy's reputation. Just make sure this doesn't become a rant session with no constructive advice to move you forward.
When dealing with difficult people I also try to find out for myself why a particular person bothers me. Is there something inside of me - some weakness or insecurity that triggers the negative feelings? Did this person really hurt me? It is okay to ask that and answer it for yourself. Pretending the person didn't hurt you is like trying to cover an erupting volcano with plastic wrap.
There was a particular woman who hurt me through her words. I tried to pretend it didn't bother me, but the intensity of my angst toward her grew. Once I took a step back and admitted that what she had done to me was wrong, I could begin forgiving and praying for her.
Adopting the "no-gossip" approach might not make you the life of your next party, but try to imagine others maligning you behind your back. Also, try to picture the damage that you'll wreak with your careless words. Once they float out of your mouth, you won't be able to retrieve them.
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Works cited:
Brown, Brene. Braving The Wilderness. New York City: Random House Publishers, 2017.
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